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For Singles Sexuality Your Story

The world or the Word – one girl’s story

A dear friend offered to share her journey of choosing purity as she continues to wait on God’s plan. I hope you are encouraged by what she shares here and can find hope in her story. ~Rachel

one girl's story of choosing purity - Intimate Truths

Friends, it is with extreme vulnerability that I tell my story. I am not sharing it with you to feel self-righteous or to make myself look good. I simply want to let you know that you aren’t alone in your choice to wait.

Once upon a time

When I was a little girl, I dreamed of living out a fairy tale like the ones I saw in movies. “Once upon a time” and “happily ever after” were words that every perfect love story began and ended with, or at least that is what I thought. Even at a young age I longed to be loved by a man, to be known by a man. To be fought after, protected, and rescued by a man.

Superman became the man I desired; he was a true hero in my eyes. He was a rescuer. Oh, how I wanted to be Lois Lane and be rescued from a falling helicopter. I will always remember that deep longing in my heart.

The moment I chose to wait

At middle school summer camp, I asked the Lord to come into my heart. Though I didn’t fully understand it, something in my heart knew I needed Him for the years to come. It was also that moment I chose to stay pure for my husband. Without realizing it, that moment became the best decision of my life.

I longed to be rescued by a man instead of wanting to be rescued by Jesus. I’d long for a man to love me the way the songs on the radio described. I liked having boyfriends; they made me feel wanted and loved.

It was in high school when I first overheard a friend talking about having sex. I chose not to have sex for many reasons: ignorance, not wanting to get caught or pregnant, but also because it was a decision I was committed to. I was questioned and laughed at by my peers and my boyfriend. It was hard but I knew I made a decision I wanted to keep.

I still chose to wait

Fast forward ten years and I made it out of college pure by the world’s standards. I knew that my heart was fragile and was longing for intimacy. I pursued the wrong relationships and gave a piece of my heart away each time. I knew if I slept with them, I would lose control of my emotions and become more attached.

I was frustrated and confused why I still had not found my Prince Charming. It seemed like everyone else had and I questioned if true love existed for me. I knew I needed help. I surrendered to the Lord…again.

I chose to say no to ungodly passions and desires. (Titus 2:11-12)

I chose to believe that we are to be naked and not ashamed. (Genesis 2:25)

I chose to develop inward beauty rather than focus solely on my outward appearance. (1 Peter 3:4)

You can chose to believe the world’s view about sexual desires or you can chose the Word’s view which is shameless, pure, undaunted, and untainted. This world is rigged to distract us. We get caught up in our clothes, our bodies, our sexual desires, our boyfriends. We are easily confused Who we serve.

I chose the Lord to guide me.

I chose the Lord to pursue me.

I chose the Lord to fill my needs.

The Lord did not promise it would be easy but He did promise it would be worth it. He wants you to experience shameless, real, passionate, true love. Exactly the way sex was created for with your one and only, your Prince Charming, your Superman.

You have a choice…

You can choose to believe the world that tells you to surrender to no one

You can choose to serve yourself and do what makes you feel good

You can choose to find happiness in men, which can lead to anxiety and unfulfilled expectations

You can choose to use sexual distractions to fill the void in your heart, which can lead to shame

You can choose to believe the lie that says “test drive the car” first

You can choose to believe the world that makes us feel like there is no other way

Or

You can believe the Word that says surrender to Christ and be filled with joy

You can choose to serve, love and respect one another

You can choose to believe the Word that teaches us to say “no” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives

You can choose to guard your heart and remember that your body is a temple

You can choose real love in Christ that will fill your void greater than any human sexual desire

Categories
For Marrieds For Singles General Sex Ed Parents Sexual Health Education Sexuality

Teenagers need to talk about sex with trusted adults: will it be you?

The heart behind Intimate Truths is encouraging conversations about anything surrounding sex and sexuality. I feel especially burdened when I come across things in our society – like lowering the age on the morning after pill – that lessen this imperative to a something like a website’s FAQ page. The post below is to remind all of us the importance of communication when it comes to sexual choices, to pray for women of all ages (and backgrounds) who are in the midst of making choices that will affect the rest of their lives, and to encourage you to create a dialogue with teenage girls in your life about intimate truths.

teenagers need to talk about sex  - intimatetruths.com

Matt Walsh’s recent post about not teaching his kids about safe sex brought to mind an article that was published in our local paper last year. Washington Post columnist Kathleen Parker’s Prude or prudent? The debate over access to Plan B ran under the headline Plan B is for women, not young girls. As a public high school health educator [granted, I’m on not teaching right now, but I still care deeply about it!], I am keenly interested in debates like those surrounding age limits on Plan B aka the “morning after pill.”

While I’m not getting into the debate about whether or not it should be available to girls as young as 15 (which it is now legal according to this article), I do want to address something that Marjorie Dannenfelser, president of pro-life political action group the Susan B. Anthony Lise, verbalizes quite eloquently:

“The FDA is recklessly positioning itself as a parent to our children,” Marjorie Dannenfelser, the group’s president, said in a statement. “Fifteen year old girls need the protection that comes with the involvement of real parents and doctors in their lives.” [emphasis added]

Ms. Parker, the Washington Post columnist, gets at this near the end of her column by asking a very important question:

What does it say about our culture that we discourage family communication about something as important as sex?

One of the most important parts of my [public high school] health class was encouraging my students to talk about sex with a trusted family member or adult family friend. Not to divulge everything they’ve ever done, what they want to do, etc but to gain a more well-rounded perspective on all of the ins and outs – physically, emotionally, mentally, relationally, spiritually – of sexual activity. When I read that they’re lowering the age for getting Plan B without a prescription and without parental consent, it breaks my heart because we are essentially removing any encouragement for kids, yes, KIDS, to talk to their elders about sex.

I am a scientist by training. So why am I not advocating for Planned Parenthood’s Cecile Richards’ viewpoint, insisting that since the pill has been deemed safe, age barriers should be dropped? In my 5 years as a sexual health educator for Seattle Public Schools, if I learned one thing it was this: quality sexual interactions, regardless of your thoughts about age, relationship stability, etc for those involved, come down to communication. By having Plan B available to GIRLS as young as 15, we remove the need for conversation and let them make decisions all on their own. The more liberal reader might counter me by pointing out that they will probably talk to their sexual partner about it. I’m guessing not, however, if one of the tabs on the FAQ page on Plan B’s website is, “How can I talk to my partner about taking Plan B One-Step®?” Usually if there’s a how-to, it’s a difficult task or it’s not happening.

Here’s the deal: we need to encourage conversations about sex with the teenagers of our society. Whether you have a teenager or not, this is vitally important to actually teaching kids something rather than scaring them into not doing something. I know not all health teachers address sex ed like I do/did but the most important thing I wanted kids to leave my class with was an emphasis on communication with their partner. I don’t get to speak to where they’re at in life…but whether straight, gay, lesbian, atheist, Muslim, Christian, boy, girl, trans, sexual active, wanting to be sexually active, wanting to wait for marriage, or wanting to wait for a steady partner, they left my class armed with information and practice in communicating with something as intimate as sex. Did I scare them into not having sex? No. That’s not my place (though we did play STD [political correction] STI Jeopardy and I did show them graphic images of body parts ravaged by unchecked infections). My job is/was to prepare them for making their own decisions while emphasizing that sexual contact OF ANY KIND has incredible consequences physically, emotionally, mentally, relationally, and spiritually.

Which brings me to a similar question to that posed above: How can we encourage positive and fruitful conversations about sex with those younger than us? We need to encourage them to talk to a trusted adult about intimacy but go beyond, “Sex is great but wait for marriage.”

Let’s get back around what got me started on all this: Matt Walsh‘s comments on “safe” sex. With something like Plan B legally available as a get-out-of-jail-free card, we allow sex to be deemed “safe” outside of a committed [hopefully marital] relationship. This couldn’t be farther from the truth, something Mr. Walsh eloquently addresses:

Sex…is supposed to be an act of great depth and consequence. Sex is meant to be open and exposed. It’s meant to bring out scary and mysterious feelings of desire and devotion…We have taken the honesty, love, passion, beauty, and creative power out of the act, and replaced it with something sterile, guarded, frivolous, and disinterested.

Intimate Truths is a place to foster conversations about all things intimate. How have you used/how can you use what you learn here to reach others, particularly those younger than you?

Categories
Female Reproductive System Symptothermal Method

Fertility Awareness in 400 Words

fertility awareness in 400 words - intimatetruths.com

The fertility awareness method (FAM) is also called the sympto-thermal method. Extremely well-outlined in Toni Weschler’s Taking Charge of Your Fertility, it involves charting your body’s cyclical changes in cervical fluid as well as body temperature which reflect your body’s hormonal changes.

All women – those seeking to avoid/achieve pregnancy or those not sexually active – are encouraged to practice FAM to better understand their body.

Your body temperature is the thermal part of the name. The other part is the symptoms – what your cervical fluid is like. During different parts of your cycle, your cervix will produce different consistencies of fluid (you’ve probably noticed this in your underwear). Right before and during ovulation, your body produces silky smooth, stretchy fluid that is almost the consistency of egg whites before they’re beaten. God’s design amazes me: He created women to have best-for-swimming-sperm cervical fluid just before and during ovulation.

In regards to avoiding or achieving pregnancy, since sperm can be viable up to 72 hours after ejaculation, it is imperative to know where you are in your cycle. Tracking your cervical fluid and body temperature does just that. After doing this for a few cycles, you get to know approximately when you ovulate so you can either abstain from sex that day as a well as a few days on either end or use a condom if you really wanted to have sex but weren’t ready for a baby.

FAM is cheap because you just have to buy the thermometer. It’s extremely reliable if you do it right: you have to take your temperature at the same time every morning right when you get up. It needs to be the first thing you do before you even get out of bed because you are measuring your basal (resting) body temperature.

If you’re sick, traveling, in a time of stress, etc, ovulation will be pushed back. Another part of God’s grand design – if you’re not in a situation to bring a child into this world, your body postpones releasing an egg.

For pregnancy prevention, it is just as effective as the most effective chemical birth control (98%) when done correctly and diligently. FAM requires a bit more discipline than taking a pill but has no side effects. There is also no waiting to try for a pregnancy with FAM – when you want to try, have unprotected sex near ovulation.

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