For Marrieds Married Sex Sexuality

Not your obligatory Valentine’s Day

Fun sex incorporates three things: memory, sensation, and adventure

If you’ve been married for any length of time, Valentine’s Day can feel like an obligation to come up with something new, exciting, or better than the year before. The same old same old just doesn’t cut it – a bouquet of roses is pretty on the dining room table but maybe you want more from your spouse this year.

How about a memorable Valentine’s celebration with your honey that takes you back through the stages of your relationship while propelling you forward in your sexual intimacy? Fun sex without the typical performance expectations that come with Valentine’s Day…here we come!

not your obligatory valentine's day - intimatetruthsMemories

While your kiddos are napping or you’ve got a second before heading off to work, jot down a few songs you remember from important times in your relationship. What did you dance to at your wedding? What did you listen to on that one road trip? Do you have a worship song that always encourages you both? Putting together a playlist of music to have playing in the background when you get alone time together can bring out all the feels and set the tone for your intimate time together.

A special piece of lingerie, a favorite tank top, or memorable bathing suit might be a fun prop to have around during love making. Whether you start off wearing it or not – it’s gonna come off anyway! – bringing back a memory of when you were first married or a fun vacation is a great way to cut through the pressures of performing on the day of love and softens the expectations that come with it.

Pictures are always a great way to bring back memories. Checking out your wedding photos or special ones you took just for your husband to see (and printed at home because you didn’t want the Costco photo folks to see them) give you both the chance to reminisce and re-live days when you could focus on just the two of you, something you get to do on Valentine’s Day.


Giving and receiving pleasure – let alone reaching orgasm – is not always as simple as magazines and movies make it out to be. Remove the stress that comes with performance expectations by incorporating external stimuli to enhance your body’s responses.

Running a soft brush along the skin combined with gentle rubbing of the arms, legs, and erogenous zones is one way to wake up nerve endings that are often over-stimulated by deeper touch. Having your spouse close their eyes heightens sensations as well since they can’t anticipate where you’re going to touch or kiss them. Speaking of kissing, give yourselves the freedom to explore one another’s bodies with your lips. Kissing, nibbling, and licking the neck, ear lobes, and feet (along with usual locales of the lips, breasts, and genitals) produce erotic sensations, something that God wants us to enjoy within the safety and comfort of our marriages.

You can employ the senses to create the beginning of stimulation as well. Have your husband run an ice cube between your breasts (hot/cold), slather a bit of honey or chocolate sauce on each other’s body and lick it off (taste), or diffuse/wear an essential oil blend that evokes feelings of pleasure (ylang ylang and ginger are two oils known as aphrodisiacs).


While men stereotypically love the adventure aspect of sex, you might discover it’s the x factor you’ve been missing in your intimate relationship with your husband. If you’ve ever had sex in the backseat of your car – even if it was parked in the garage – you probably had a different sexual experience than an intimate and cozy Tuesday night in your bedroom.

Manual stimulation is a must on the adventure checklist. Whether you stimulate yourself with his verbally accompaniment in your pleasure or you manually stimulate your spouse, enjoying physical touch with your husband is most couples’ first step in sexual adventure. If you’ve already experimented with that, a vibrator might be a great next step in your journey. Usually associated with [lonely – I don’t know the word I want here] masturbation, a vibrator can be used along the same lines as manual stimulation. Either by you or your husband, the use of a vibrator for pleasure with your spouse can heighten sensations and, in turn, a sense of adventure.

What about where you have sex? Have you ever had sex with your windows open (someone might hear you)? In the back seat of the car (see early paragraph)? Against the washing machine while it’s on the spin cycle (vibrations to echo your honey’s)? On the floor in front of the fireplace (the kids are in bed…you’re good)? Upping the ante in regards to environment is a surefire way to have a memorable Valentine’s Day with your husband.

No matter what you do, enjoy this excuse to focus on your marriage and sexual intimacy with your husband. Let memories set the stage and invite sensations to carry you through to some adventures you’ll want to repeat.